Attachment Styles: What is Insecure Attachment?
- heatherkaystanfield
- Dec 12, 2025
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 12, 2025
What are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles are psychological patterns that determine how we interact with and relate to others. They develop as a result of our caregiver’s reactions to our needs in childhood.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory was developed in the late 1950s by the developmental psychologist John Bowlby. Attachment theory provides an explanation of how stages of development and interpersonal relationships shape our social behavior. While exploring relationships between children and caregivers, Bowlby discovered patterns in children’s behavior correlating to the caregiver’s response to their needs. When their needs were not met, the children developed lasting behavioral patterns in anticipation and supplementation of the reactions of their caregivers.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs describes the relationships between basic human needs and motivation. This is expanded upon in developmental psychology to include the stages of development in relation to basic needs and attachment. Attachment theory labels each tier of needs in correspondence with innate needs from others and their roles in development (for example, a need for safety is satisfied by a “protector” figure in childhood, due to the inability to protect oneself as an infant).
When these roles are not adequately filled during early childhood, the child develops an insecure attachment style to cope.
Insecure Vs Secure Attachment Style
Secure attachment occurs when a child’s physical and emotional needs are adequately met. These children are raised with positive and timely emotional responses and a sense of safety and security. Insecure attachment occurs when these needs are not sufficiently met by caregivers, whether through inability or unwillingness to provide it. Although insecure attachment often corresponds with some degree of emotional or physical childhood neglect or abuse, it can also occur when a child has secure caregivers but an insecure environment that causes trauma or prevents secure attachment.
Although these attachment styles are developed in childhood, they continue on into adulthood and dictate our social behavior and emotional responses to relationships.
Secure Attachment Style
Secure attachment is characterized by an ability to form healthy emotional bonds while retaining independence.
Features of Secure Attachment
Ability to self-regulate
Feelings of safety in relationships
Comfortable with intimacy
Positive view of self
Positive view of others
Behaviors of Secure Attachment
Strong sense of trust in others
Emotional availability
Comfort with intimacy and closeness
Comfort with independence and seclusion
Ability to empathize with others
Ability to regulate emotions
Develops and maintains healthy boundaries
Appropriate with emotional expression
Seeks social support
Comfortable alone or around others
Positive coping mechanisms
Effective at communicating with others
Cooperative and flexible in relationships
Insecure Attachment Styles
Insecure attachment comes in three styles: Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized. Despite the different manifestations of insecure attachment, they all have similarities. Insecure attachment as a whole includes emotional dysregulation, difficulties forming and maintaining relationships, and a fear of abandonment. The type of attachment style that develops is a response dependent on their caregiver’s behavior in early childhood.
Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment Style
Anxious attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for closeness contrasted by a deep fear of abandonment. Anxious attachment style, known as Anxious-Ambivalent in childhood, occurs when a caregiver’s responses to the child’s needs are inconsistent or intrusive. The child develops a strong need for closeness. This develops into Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style as an adult, in which they attempt to compensate to fill their needs or self-doubt.
Features of Anxious Attachment Style
Hypersensitivity
Need for reassurance
Deep fear of rejection
Negative view of self
Positive view of others
Behaviors of Anxious Attachment
Heightened emotional responses
Fear of being alone
Need for consistent communication
Need for validation and reassurance
Overanalyzing situations
Excessive worry
Sensitivity to the emotions and behaviors of others
Poor responses to perceived rejection or criticism
Poor self-esteem or self-worth
People-pleasing and putting needs of others above their own
Jealousy and insecurity
Poor sense of boundaries
Codependency or reliance on others
Avoidant (Dismissive-Avoidant) Attachment Style
Avoidant attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for independence and a deep fear of vulnerability. Avoidant attachment develops in childhood due to caregivers that are emotionally unavailable or punishing. Caregivers consistently dismiss or punish the child for their needs, and in return the child learns that their needs are not important. These children develop a dismissive attitude toward emotions and relationships, and prioritize self-reliance and independence. Rather than compensating to fulfill their needs, avoidant attachers dismiss their own needs and the needs of others.
Features of Avoidant Attachment Style
Hyperindependence
Need for space or seclusion
Fear of vulnerability
Positive view of self
Negative view of others
Behaviors of Avoidant Attachment
Isolation and a preference for solitude
Distrust and reluctance to open up emotionally
A lack of interest in the emotions of others
Resistance to commitment in relationships
Tendency to dismiss the importance of relationships
Reluctance to reach out for support or rely on others
Suppression of emotions
Fear of being controlled
Avoidance of conflict or disagreements
Tendency to romanticize the past
Preference for superficial relationships
Dislike of big displays of emotion from others
Avoidance of physical displays of affection
Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) Attachment Style
Disorganized attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for closeness contrasted by a deep fear of vulnerability. This develops in childhood due to inconsistent or unpredictable responses from caregivers, often stemming from abuse. The caregiver becomes a figure to fear, and as a result, the child develops conflicting emotions in which they seek comfort but fear vulnerability. This leads to inconsistent social behavior as an adult and disorientation on how to adequately fulfill their needs. Disorganized attachment includes tendencies toward both anxious and avoidant behaviors.
Features of Disorganized Attachment
Hypervigilance
Inconsistent behaviors
Fear of rejection and vulnerability
Negative view of self
Negative view of others
Behaviors of Disorganized Attachment
Poor emotional regulation
Black and white thinking
Suspicious of other’s intentions
Erratic or inconsistent behavior
Excessive worry
Overanalyzing situations
Difficulties opening up to others
Tendency to feel used and unlovable
Emotional closeness followed by emotional distance
Overwhelm with emotions of self or others
Heightened sensitivity to feeling threatened
Difficulty articulating experiences and emotions
Overly expressive and perceptive of emotions
Healing Insecure Attachment
Insecure attachment is a response shaped by life experiences that make trust, safety, and vulnerability feel risky. It can make forming meaningful relationships and feeling a sense of security in social situations very difficult. However, insecure attachment can be healed over time with self-awareness, compassion, and support. Educating oneself on the different attachment styles, appropriate responses, and behavior redirection methods is the first step toward healing. After recognizing these patterns and their causes, insecure attachers can begin challenging their perceptions and engage in positive behaviors toward a secure attachment style.
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Disclaimer: All content reflects the author’s opinions and personal experiences. The author is not a medical or mental health professional. Nothing shared is intended to replace or negate advice from licensed professionals.
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