Navigating Holiday Stress with Chronic Illness

I’ve never liked the holidays. For a season that’s supposed to be joyful, it’s become overshadowed with stress, illness, and difficult family relationships. Having a chronic illness that is worsened by stress, it is tempting to avoid the holidays altogether. However, there are ways to make it more manageable - and yes, even enjoyable.

Prioritize Healing Over Perfection

The holidays can bring up feelings of stress and overwhelm, especially when combined with challenging family dynamics or high expectations. Fortunately, we can choose to let go of things outside of our control and prioritize healing. We don’t have to carry negative emotions or memories into the present. Choosing to move forward from a place of empathy, forgiveness, and understanding allows us to heal. 

Redefine Forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning someone’s harmful actions or allowing it to continue. It doesn’t even mean completely letting go of old wounds and continuing a relationship. By simply acknowledging that the situation happened, and the harm that it caused, we invite room for growth. Accepting that the past happened and we can no longer control it is a freeing feeling. It allows us to take steps forward, instead of backward. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting - and forgiving is not for others, but for our own benefit.

Communicate Boundaries Effectively

Setting clear boundaries is incredibly important around the holidays, especially when dealing with unfavorable circumstances. However, many people make the mistake of enforcing boundaries too harshly, miscommunicating their needs, or neglecting how their boundaries may affect others. This doesn’t make the boundary “wrong” - it simply means we need to learn how to communicate it more effectively. Clear and concise communication is incredibly helpful when communicating boundaries. This allows us to avoid stress and communicate our needs without coming off as too aggressive or defensive. For some people, enforcing boundaries means not attending family gatherings at all, and that’s completely valid.

Communicate Needs in Advance

For those of us dealing with chronic illness that limits our ability to participate in family activities, communicating our needs in advance can help to avoid conflict. Letting people know in advance what you can realistically participate in resets expectations and reduces misunderstandings. Whether this means reduced activity, dietary limitations, or needing to leave early - people are more likely to respond positively when they are given awareness and preparation. However, we are not required to provide additional information. If someone presses the matter, it is okay to restate your boundaries clearly by saying, “I’m not comfortable discussing this yet.”

Exercise Empathy

Stressful situations affect everyone differently, and that’s okay. It is not our responsibility to dictate the reactions or behaviors of others. The only thing we can control is ourselves. Approaching conversations and conflict with empathy reduces tension for everyone involved. While the process of de-escalating conflict can be incredibly challenging, it is rewarding. Whether this means avoiding certain sensitive topics, redirecting the conversation, or validating other’s emotions without negating your own - there are many ways to handle disagreements without escalation. Empathy is a key component in handling conflict - people argue because they feel like they are not being heard, or their needs are not being met. While it is important to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others, it is also beneficial to be aware and sensitive to the feelings of others.

Have an Exit Plan

Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do for ourselves is to leave early or take breaks during stressful moments. Fatigue, chronic pain, and sensory overload are legitimate reasons to step away and prioritize ourselves. This is not only beneficial for us, but also for everyone around us. While many people with chronic illness fear offending others when they need to cancel plans, leave early, or reject invitations - it is less likely to be received in a negative manner when the situation is clearly communicated. Having an exit plan can be helpful if symptoms become overwhelming or the stress becomes too much to handle. Preparing for these situations may include driving to the function separately, parking your car on the street to ensure a smoother exit, and letting the host know about your potential need for early departure.

Recovering with Grounding Activities

Whether we choose to forgo family gatherings or make the best of our attendance, the aftermath can feel isolating and stressful. The business of family gatherings, high activity, and emphasis on food and socialization can cause a flare in chronic illness symptoms. Non-attendance may cause an increase in depressive symptoms or emotional dysregulation. It is important to handle these situations with self-care and love. Whether it is taking a few days to prioritize rest afterward, or emphasize easy solo activities, finding what works for us is the most important thing. Regulating your nervous system should be a high priority during the holidays. Some activities that may help include: making art, taking silly photos, lying on the floor to decompress, listening to music, and meditation. These enjoyable, relaxing, and grounding activities can make the season seem more enjoyable and provide us with a sense of control.

Holidays and Chronic Illness

Dealing with holiday stress or a flare-up after the holidays does not mean we have “failed”. Navigating complex dynamics and caring for your mind and body can be a full-time job. Even if these situations occur, it does not mean we did anything wrong or “can’t handle” certain activities. It is simply a reminder to slow down and focus on ourselves. Bad seasons come and go - feeling the ups and downs of the holidays and chronic illness doesn’t mean that we can’t handle it. It just means that we are still alive, still trying, and still learning how to care for ourselves more effectively.